


Of Dwarf and Dormouse

by windchijmes



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anal Sex, Humor, Incest, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 18:54:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/713912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windchijmes/pseuds/windchijmes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One night, top!Kili tackles Fili again in their shared quarters, but Fili tries his level best to be restrained and sensible. Naturally, Kili takes this as a challenge. The next day, the Dwarves are thoroughly pissed off by whom they assume is Kili creating all THAT noise (keep it down, Kili, for Aule's sake!). And they keep on assuming it, until they stumble upon the lads pleasuring each other...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Dwarf and Dormouse

Thorin raised his hand, halting the Company of Dwarves – and Ponies. “There’s an inn in the town right ahead. Dwalin and I had been there once,” he said as he turned towards his comrades. “We’ll bathe at the streams here, before we proceed.” 

There was a chorus of heartfelt groans of relief – and other emotions – at his words. Oh they badly needed a bath. Just the thought of soaking their worn and battered bodies in the cool waters was enough of a motivation to get them off their ponies and settle their belongings as quickly as they could. 

But. _Well_.

“They’re doing it again,” Gloin was muttering darkly, a murderous light in his gaze as it followed the figures of the brothers of Durin. 

Bofur followed his line of sight. Up ahead, Kili had already thrown off his outer clothing, bared from the waist up, and was now splashing into the waters like an overgrown pup. Still on the rocks, Fili was slowly and purposefully taking his own clothes off. There was careful distance between the brothers, but the looks exchanged between them were smouldering enough to set the woods alight. 

_By Aulë’s flaming beard_. 

There was nothing too shocking or earth-shattering about the clandestine love between Dwarven men. There were too few women and most of them preferred their crafts and metals, anyhow. Now such a love between _brothers_ was cause enough to raise eyebrows, but the Company had seen their fair share of suffering and violations of nature, and would not bring separation upon the Durin lads. So, all of them had let it be. Closed half their eyes, opened their hearts a little more, and they hadn’t found it too difficult to accept the more than brotherly love between Fili and Kili. 

“They shouldn’t do this,” Gloin continued, making a gesture of pure indignation. “If they want to rut, they should just _get on with it_ , and not dance around like a bunch of silly lasses.” 

Bofur just stared at him. “I sometimes wonder at your thought processes, Gloin.” 

“You know what I mean,” Gloin snapped at him. His face was now as ruddy as his beard. “We’re going to get an _earful_ tonight!” 

Oh, Bofur _knew_ what he meant. The two young Dwarves liked to do it sometimes – let the tension build until they – and the rest of the Company who _knew_ and had to pretend they didn’t – were close to exploding. 

Which eventually led to hurried and entirely _ear-shattering_ sex from the brothers’ quarters.  

It was a terrible, _terrible_ predicament. 

“Just listen to Kili,” now Dori had joined in the conversation. His face was pinched in disapproval like he considered Kili a bad influence on his Ori. 

The dark-haired lad was flailing in the waters, hollering something to Thorin, singing at the top of his lungs. _Off-pitch_. 

“It’s not even in tune,” Dori sniffed. “Clearly all he can do is scream.” 

“And shout and shriek and moan and groan,” Gloin sputtered. “ _And_ – ” 

“I think we get the idea, Gloin,” Bofur cut him off dryly. “Whatever it is,” he continued, fishing into his pockets and retrieving a bunch of little cork-like objects neatly chiselled out of smooth stone. “Take these, and pass them around to the lads.” 

Dori held them up and studied them with the air of a connoisseur. 

“Ear blocks.” 

“Ah.”

++++++++++ 

Fili carefully peeled off his outer fur-lined coat, and folded it into a neat pile on the rocks, while he watched his brother toss off his clothes and barrel into the waters, singing like a mad lark. Fili might have done the same thing to his own clothes if he didn’t have to get back into them again, and again, _and then again_ , for as long as the quest was alive. 

So he took a little more time with organising his clothing pile, making sure they wouldn’t suffer the water, and nodded quietly across to the Boggins Hobbit – Kili’s ridiculous mistake with the name was now stuck in his mind forever. The Hobbit was doing the same thing to his clothes, a sort of wobbling gratefulness in his eyes like he’d found a kindred spirit in Fili. Fili didn’t mind and just let the Hobbit be, for he wouldn’t know that there was _another_ reason Fili took his time stripping himself. 

Under the cover of his golden hair, Fili let his vision wander ahead until it rested on the half-naked, strapping figure half-submerged in the waters. Then his scrutiny slid up, up to the wild black locks, and the laughing, handsome face. 

Their gazes snagged, and locked. 

Looking straight into Kili’s eyes, Fili undid the clasps of his undershirt, and let it slide slowly down his shoulders, the material whispering over his skin down to his waist. Kili’s eyes widened, just imperceptibly so, then narrowed into flints. That’s when Fili lowered his gaze and turned away, keeping his back to that dark gaze searing into him from behind, and smiled to himself as he slid into the waters nearer the Hobbit. The poor thing seemed flustered with the whole idea of bathing with a company of loud, roaring Dwarves, so Fili engaged him a little in conversation and let him chatter away, easing the Hobbit’s discomfort. 

And keeping Kili’s eyes _burning_ into him the whole time. 

++++++++++ 

By the time they had set up in an isolated inn in that little town, got themselves through a meagre dinner, and a thankfully not-so-meagre round of warm ale and porter, Kili was riled up enough to snap. First, the teasing glimpses of pale, muscled flesh at the streams. Then, those full, smirking lips glistening with ale throughout the dinner. 

So, when they had all finally retired to their shared quarters, the moment Fili walked through the door, Kili greeted him by seizing him around the fur collar, and slamming him onto their cot. The breath left Fili’s mouth in a gasp, and Kili swallowed the rest of his yelp with his own mouth. 

Fili fought him – he _always_ did – tangling their tongues together and resisting Kili’s insistent thrust into his mouth. His hands pushed at Kili’s chest, and his throat rumbled with protests. But Kili didn’t let up – not when he’d been strung up the whole day, aroused, and half-hard and _not_ shoving his brother onto their dinner table. Fili always called him an animal for his – _tendencies_ – but he didn’t seem to mind when Kili was pounding into him. 

When they finally parted to breathe, Fili’s wrists were pinned to either side of his head, and Kili grinned as he lowered his weight slowly and thoroughly onto his brother. 

“ _Must_ you be so rough?” Fili was grumbling, but there was a laugh in his timbre, and his expression fond as he leaned up to nuzzle into the side of Kili’s throat. 

“You’ve been toying with me for a _while_ now.” 

A light, teasing laugh. “So I have.” 

“Playing with the others – _and_ the Hobbit.” 

“Bilbo,” Fili corrected absently, curling one finger around a lock of Kili’s black hair. He shifted, then tried to raise himself unsuccessfully. “Now, be good, and get up.” 

Kili just raised a dark, eloquent brow. “No,” he said simply and kissed Fili again. This time, the fair-haired Dwarf was less hard-headed about it, his lips falling open easily under Kili’s, and soft sighs humming from his throat as he indulged in the languid slide of wet lips and slow twine of tongues. 

“Kili,” his brother was saying between the stream of sweet, lazy kisses. He turned his head to  escape, but Kili chased him, biting down on his bottom lip, and stifling his whimper with a deeper kiss. Then Fili twisted his head, and he was suddenly free, but Kili’s mouth moved to his neck, sucking hard enough to bruise. Unbidden, Fili’s head arched back, and Kili took it to mean that pale neck was free for his plundering, and he did, laving and biting the skin there until it bloomed with large, vivid marks. 

“Wait,” Fili’s voice was strained as he squirmed under Kili’s caresses. His eyes were still closed. “We shouldn’t. The walls here are thin.” 

“They’re thin everywhere.” 

Forcing his eyes open, Fili rose onto his elbows and prodded at Kili’s chest above him. “We have to get up early tomorrow morning.” 

“We get up early every morning.” 

“Not tomorrow,” Fili actually went on to explain, in between getting nipped on the ear and shivering every five counts or so. “Tomorrow we get up ex – extra early. Are you – listening to me?” 

“No,” Kili mumbled, eyeing the soft fluff on the skin at the juncture between ear and jaw. He tested it with a nibble and _that_ earned him a louder gasp. 

“Kili,” Fili wedged one arm between their bodies. “ _The others can hear_!” 

All right, Kili heard the mortified frustration in Fili’s tone now. So he stopped, sat back on his haunches, and the two brothers glared at each other. 

Kili broke the deadlock first; he was never one to stay quiet for long. “ _You_ were the one who teased me for three days.” He didn’t want to sound accusatory about it, but well, he _had_ to. Because it was true. Fili had been flitting around him like a coquettish maiden, brushing against him, grinning at him from under his eyelashes, tantalising him and always just staying out of reach. For three _days_ , not three hours, mind. 

“And now you don’t want me,” Kili finished sullenly. In a more logical and progressive part of his brain, he knew he sounded like a whining stripling, but he thought he _deserved_ to feel a little disappointed, at least. 

“Get that look off your face,” Fili told him very disapprovingly. And when Kili continued to stare back at him with that stubborn, crestfallen jut of his lower lip, Fili growled and sat up. The move pushed Kili back quite abruptly, and Fili seized his hand, partly to steady him, and partly to pull his hand _down_ to press at their fused groins. 

Between the layers of their clothing, there was an obvious, hard, heated _bulge_ in Fili’s breeches. 

“I _do_ want you,” Fili told him in no uncertain terms, a flush beginning to rise on his cheeks. “Ridiculous, foolish little _dimwit_. But we cannot do this anytime and anywhere we please. We have to think of the others. They don’t need to know what we do behind closed doors.” 

The last part of the sentence didn’t reach Kili’s mind at all. Not when there were far more important things to do, such as wringing these interesting little hitches of breath from Fili’s mouth, when he cupped that bulge and kneaded the length of it with his fingers. 

“You’re _hard_ ,” Kili grinned, eyes gleaming, a little breathless himself, as he shuffled forward on his knees, pressing their bodies together. He worked at the laces on Fili’s breeches, nimbly pulling them free from their knots. 

“ _Kili_.”  Fili’s eyes were beginning to darken with growing lust, but there was a beseeching strain to his tone. “Kili, I – ” 

“I want to fuck you,” came out of Kili’s mouth quite succinctly. He’d gone completely still, just holding Fili’s gaze, knowing that the desire in Fili’s eyes were mirrored in his own. And he waited like this, unmoving, for Fili to meet him halfway in their next move. 

Fili looked away, an uncharacteristic hesitation and vulnerability in his face. Oh, he _wanted_ Kili, no doubt, but he also wrestled with his _responsibilities_. Always the good and dutiful one, Fili. Then at length, he swallowed and smiled, wryly, and closed the distance with a kiss to Kili’s nose. 

“We have to be quick,” Fili began saying, his own hands already sliding the outercoat off Kili’s shoulders and placing it neatly aside. “Don’t drag this on for more than necessary – like you did the last time.” He was flaring up a little now, obviously recalling the _last time_ when Kili used a hunting rope on him and they couldn’t unknot it for hours _after_. 

“Hmm…” Kili murmured non-committedly, concentrating on removing Fili’s clothes as quickly as possible without breaking contact between their bodies. Whatever he could get his hands on – coat, jerkin, undershirt, breeches and so on and so forth – he tossed, pointedly ignoring the appalled look on his brother’s face. Truly, Fili could be such a damsel sometimes. 

“ _And we have to be quiet_.” 

Now _that_ gave Kili pause. It was probably the way Fili said it, with that chiding, self-righteous undercurrent to his tone. That and coupled with the reproachful frown between his brows, and the curl to his lips that looked so _prim and proper_ , Kili decided the best way to deal with it was to fuck that expression off his face. 

“I _am_ quiet,” Kili said – smugly.  

Fili snorted, not even deigning to answer. 

The smirk on Kili’s lips deepened, and his eyes took on a devious glint. “Is that a challenge?” 

To Fili’s credit at recognising danger when it presented itself, he looked vaguely alarmed. “What – _no_.” 

“Challenge accepted, brother,” Kili cut him off with a growl, wrapping an arm around Fili’s waist, and pulling their lower bodies together. As Fili gasped into their kiss, Kili moved between his legs, spreading them with his hips, and lowering his brother onto the cot. Fili’s arms curled around his neck, pulling Kili down with him as they lay back against the linens. 

Kili let himself settle comfortably over his brother, revelling in the warm slide of naked flesh and tangled limbs. Fili’s hips thrust up, and their stirring erections rubbed together in a flare of pleasure. Kili barely choked back a cry, and when he reared back, Fili was grinning at him, a sly twinkle in his eyes and a pleased lift to his lips. 

“Not too bad,” Kili acknowledged, getting his breath back. He settled his hands on Fili’s thighs, caressing in circles that had Fili shifting restlessly. Then, holding his brother’s gaze, Kili dragged those thighs down and propped them on either side of his own legs in one sudden move. 

Fili inhaled sharply, and now it was Kili’s turn to grin. He knelt between Fili’s thighs, which were now splayed wide, leaving him beautifully spread out over the linens and completely bared to Kili’s hungry gaze. A blush was rising on Fili’s skin in various places, and nestled at the apex of his thighs, his cock was stiffening right before Kili’s eyes. Fascinated, Kili palmed that hardening shaft. It was so _hot_ and it thickened and pulsed in his grasp with such needy eagerness. 

“Kili,” Fili moaned, voice rising dangerously to a keening cry. “This – you’re not – ” His head fell back with a sob as Kili began to pump his cock, dragging his hand up and down the heated flesh. “You’re not – playing _fair_.” 

“Oh but I am,” Kili rose a little higher onto his knees, and his own cock jutted upright, bobbing heavily and proudly against his belly. “You can touch me, if you want.” 

How Fili _glared_ at him as he writhed on the linens, his bottom lip almost gnawed through in his valiant attempt to silence his own moans. His lower body was tilted up, and he wanted to thrust up into that maddening caress over his cock, but could not quite get the leverage with his thighs caught over Kili’s legs. He wanted to touch Kili, yet when he reached for Kili’s cock, that little Dwarf brat just stroked faster and harder, and Fili could only arch helplessly into that unrelenting grip. 

It was not until Fili whimpered out loud, and his thighs began to quiver in the way they did when he was getting close to the edge, that Kili paused, squeezing Fili’s cock right below the head. The older Dwarf groaned, eyes falling shut as he fought his arousal under control. 

Kili laughed, rough and low in his throat. Just _look_ at the way Fili was now, the usually steady, smirking golden Dwarf undone and trembling under Kili’s hands. “Just a bit more,” he said, soothingly, and they both knew it was just a pretty falsity for Kili never backed out of a challenge once he took one up. He reached over and retrieved the well-used vial of oil from his clothes – how _considerate_ of his brother to fold his clothes so neatly and within reach. Fili’s eyes followed his movements, gleaming with such sheer _want_. 

He coated his fingers _just enough_ to ease the way without making it too slick. They’d tumbled often enough for Fili to be used to this. Then, he dug his fingers between the swells of Fili’s buttocks, and pressed two into that quivering little hole at once. 

The moan that dragged from Fili’s mouth was long, and sweet, his eyes wide as he watched his own entrance being prepared for Kili’s cock. So Kili put on a show for him, twisting his fingers deep into his brother’s passage. “Where is it?” he said with a little grin, turning his head to bite kisses into those soft inner thighs and feeling the skin tremble under his teeth. With a hard curl of his fingers, he found that tiny nub, and he rubbed into it, forcing a yelp from Fili. “Oh, there…this little thing there?” 

“Would you hurry up?” Fili hissed furiously, urgently. Sweat beaded at his brow and over the dips of his body, making his hair stick to the skin. His thighs were splayed uncomfortably wide, and Kili’s fingers were toying deep in his arsehole, yet somehow, he could still sound imperious, despite his situation. 

That wouldn’t do. So Kili just massaged over that nub again and again, until Fili was _shaking_ and his hands practically tearing into the linens. “Beg nicely,” Kili ordered, his tone suddenly hard and brooking no further argument. 

Fili held his gaze. “I want you inside me,” he said without hesitation, but his voice was low, and his cheeks stained red. 

“ _Louder_.” 

“Get your cock inside me now!” Fili snapped, half-rising from the linens. He looked furious and beautiful and so aroused. “ _Please_.” 

The last word, though an entreaty, was at complete odds with the demanding snarl of Fili’s voice. And Kili delighted in it, heady with the knowledge that he could completely unravel his brother just like that. He withdrew his fingers swiftly, placating the hiss from Fili with a nudge of his nose into Fili’s thigh. Then he rose, smeared more oil over his cock and lined it up between Fili’s thighs, the head of his erection bracing at Fili’s hole. 

“Watch me,” Kili commanded him again. 

“Perverted little bastard,” Fili swore, but his glazed, azure gaze was fixed unwaveringly, almost mesmerised, on Kili’s cock as it strained against the ring of muscle, and then with an obscene jerk, popping _into_ his channel. 

Fili threw his head back, a litany of cries tumbling from his throat. His hands scrabbled desperately over the linens. Kili didn’t give him time to get too comfortable with this. He pushed in carefully, but ruthlessly all the way until he was buried balls-deep in his brother. 

Aulë, that sweet, tight, _hot_ grip around Kili’s cock; he’d never get enough of it. “Fili…” he groaned, rolling his hips and grinding into his brother until he wrenched answering moans from Fili. “Feels so good…” 

“Move, Kili,” Fili was almost whimpering now, raising his head just enough to lock pleading eyes upon his brother. “ _Fuck me_ , quickly, now…move…” 

“You beg so prettily…” Kili’s voice was so unnaturally guttural and hoarse, it sounded foreign to his own ears. He hooked his hands under Fili’s knees and pushed them up, lowering himself at the same time, until Fili was almost bent double, his legs curled over Kili’s shoulders. 

Now that allowed Kili to do this – he pulled out, then thrust _deep_ and hard into Fili. He kept up the thrusts, setting a brutal pace, fucking deeper and changing his angle until one made Fili grab one of the pillows and shove it against his own mouth to stifle his mewls. “Don’t cheat,” Kili snarled, his thrusts slowing, then stopping altogether. 

This was one of those moments when Kili’s patience was a thing of marvel. He snatched at the pillow, and the others scattered on the linens, and hurled them all to the ground. “Now be good,” Kili purred, mimicking Fili’s uppity tone, hips bucking again, digging deep into Fili, and pounding again and again into that mark that would shatter his brother. 

Fili’s attempts to quiet himself were all but gone now. His voice was an intoxicating, endless cadence of whimpers and wordless pleading, golden hair a rakish halo around his face, chest heaving with sobs as he was driven mercilessly towards release. His panting mouth hung open, wet and red, and Kili pressed messy kisses upon it with every lunge. Worming a hand between their bodies, Kili grasped at his brother’s cock, just barely coherent enough to rub it along with the relentless pace of their rutting. One of Fili’s hands was tugging at his hair, mindlessly, painfully, but Kili couldn’t care now, not when he was impaling that clenching grip around his cock over and over again. 

They were getting close. Kili wouldn’t remember when or how, but one of his hands was clasped over Fili’s, their fingers lacing together tightly as they fucked. Fili’s legs dug desperately into Kili’s shoulders, his balls drawing up, and Kili drove him, hand squeezing and kneading at his erection, until Fili threw his head back – 

And _screamed_ as he came, thick fluid spurting from his cock and coating both their bellies. Kili’s eyes were blank now, almost black with lust, not letting go of Fili’s erection even as it leaked the last of its release and began to soften. He thrust several more times, erratic stabs of his hips, then he groaned harsh and urgent into the skin of Fili’s knee, muffling himself as he climaxed, his cock pulsing and spilling deep into his brother. 

The pleasure came as a blinding jolt, Kili’s mind completely blown as he bucked helplessly in the throes of his release, until the aftershocks finally slowed, and images bled back into his vision. Now as he breathed heavily, his gaze flickered until it rested on his wrecked brother. Fili’s legs were still jacked up over his shoulders, spent cock curled on his thatch of dark-gold hair, white stickiness smeared over his belly. Kili rolled his hips languidly, enjoying the last sensations of being enveloped by his brother. 

“Get up – ” Fili was saying, his hoarse voice sounding weary and somewhat affronted. “And get _out_.” 

Kili couldn’t help it. He laughed, shifting his hips and pulling his softened cock out of his brother’s arse, and not at all apologetic about Fili’s hiss at the sting that followed. Kili lowered Fili’s legs from his shoulder but kept them wrapped around his waist. “If I can stay inside you all the time…” he waggled his brows, gaze riveted on the sight of his seed dribbling out of Fili’s reddened hole. 

Fili’s jaw dropped open as he scooted backwards, snapping his legs shut and kicking half-heartedly at Kili. “I should punch you for that.” 

“Nay…” Kili followed his movements, batting away Fili’s protests until he was draped over his brother again. He nuzzled into Fili’s neck, sighing into the soft skin there. “You love me too much…” 

There was a long pause. Then Fili huffed into Kili’s dark hair, and Kili smiled when he heard his brother say, simply and quietly, “I love you too much.” 

Then of course, Kili had to crack the gentle atmosphere. “I _win_ , just so we’re clear.” 

“Fucking animal,” Fili retorted. He was always vulgar right after rutting, like he hadn’t gotten his usual composure and sweet nature back into place. And it _always_ made Kili laugh. “You bloody cheated, just so we’re _clear_. And now – by Aulë – I’m not joining for breakfast tomorrow.” 

Kili rose up suddenly and indignantly. “Why not?” 

“I – ” Fili began, his cheeks truly turning red now. There was a panicked light in his eyes. “I made so much – ” He paused, then rounded on Kili accusingly. “ _You_ made me make so much noise! It’s _your_ fault.” 

“What? It’s hardly my fault you’re a screamer,” Kili retaliated. So they were still very naked – and now very sticky and filthy – and Fili was an uncomfortable mess on the bed with Kili perched defiantly over him, but all of that didn’t stop Kili from giving his _always good_ brother a piece of his mind. “Besides, I didn’t think you were loud enough. Either you’re still holding back, which is terrible, for that matter. Or I’m not trying hard enough. Which is it? Tell me!” 

So this time, Fili _told him_ with a good, solid punch to his ridiculous skull. 

++++++++++ 

The atmosphere at the table was leaden enough to slice with a sword. They shuffled around, ladling their breakfasts, staring at one another’s deep, dark eye-rings with a sort of mutual suffering and companionable pain. _You too? Aye. Me too.  
_

It was a bloody, Aulë-forsaken _orchestra_ of whimpers and groans and moans and gasps, and an actual, fucking _scream_ the night before. 

Other than Bifur, who only seemed mildly twitchier than usual, and Oin, whose hearing was suspect without his earhorn, Dwalin was the only other one who seemed unaffected, curiously so. He took a large bite of his salted pork roll and chewed it with gusto, while the rest lobbed withering glares at him. 

“These didn’t work,” Dori looked terribly disappointed as he tossed the ear-blocks onto the table. 

Bofur picked them up and examined their design. He looked slightly tired, but otherwise none the worse for wear, even cocking a grin as if his mind had hit upon the solution to his non-working ear-blocks. 

“How come you’re a bundle of joy, then,” Gloin picked up where Dori left off. He plonked himself onto his seat with surly gruffness. 

Bofur gestured absently to his jaunty cap. “Ear flaps,” he said with the expertise of a top-notch toymaker. “Brilliant noise blockage.” 

“I should get those,” came a voice from behind them. Oh, it was a pitiful sound, so weary and worn down. The owner of the voice looked every bit as he sounded – worse, even – as he emerged from the stairs like a ratty creature from the pits, and joined them at the table. 

Bilbo Baggins, Thief of the Company, was in a _state_. His face was practically sagging into his neck. The dark bags under his eyes looked almost alive. 

“I don’t think I slept at all,” Bilbo intoned, his expression agreeing with his words. “And – as much as I like Kili – you know I do – that merry lad,  you know – no offense at all, mind – but – ” He said, sounding even more jittery than usual. Then he paused, and it was like an epiphany had struck him. His eyes were wide with realisation. “He may be the first Dwarf I want to hit.” 

“Get in line,” Gloin growled, and the other Dwarves, bless them, had to agree. 

“What makes you think it’s Kili?” 

The whole table of Dwarves – plus Hobbit – looked up at Dwalin with varying degrees of disbelief and suspicion. 

“Just saying,” Dwalin shrugged matter-of-factly. “Unless you could tell one lad’s rutting cries from another.” 

There was a prolonged silence as the Dwarves tried to wrap their collectively-blown brains around Dwalin’s statement. _Rutting cries_? 

“Well, it can’t be Fili. He’s quiet and civilised,” the Hobbit was the first to break the silence. He gestured with one hand, sure of his own opinion and almost scoffing at the warrior Dwarf. “He’s like a _dormouse_.” He faltered a little when all the gazes suddenly swung his way. “When he’s not swearing drunk and throwing my dishes, and frolicking with my furniture, like the rest of you, I mean,” he finished, quickly ducking his head and drinking his soup as the rest hurled indignant curses at him. 

“Well, I don’t know,” now Balin spoke up. He’d kept quiet through most of these baser discussions, like a venerable sage, but even he looked thoroughly irked. The night before clearly hadn’t been kind to his aged ears either. “But here comes Kili.” 

And like a blinding, black-capped ray of sunshine, said Kili bounded into the room, annoyingly cheerful as he sat himself next to Dwalin. His breakfast was already in one hand, and he set it down now, eyes shining merrily as he gobbled his food. Kili was not the quickest of Dwarves, so it took him a _while_ , before he noticed the dark, and perhaps slightly unhinged looks the others were sending his way. 

“Not eating?” he asked loudly, his words muffled around his mouthful of cheese and loaf. 

“Well, I’m full already,” Balin answered him, a razor edge to his sagely smile. “Had my fill the _night before_. Really. Supper was a _ringing_ wonder.” Then he got up, gathered his robes around him, and left the table. 

Kili blinked. “I don’t recall supper.” 

“’Course you wouldn’t,” now Gloin got up, almost _thundering_ past Kili. “Not when you’re the only one who had it.” And then he left too, snarling something about _even Wargs sounded like fucking dormice, compared to_ – 

Kili did not catch the last bit, because he was staring open-mouthed at Dwalin, Dori, and Nori, and Bombur, and _et cetera et cetera_ , all getting up and shoving past him with clearly unhappy glares. Only Bofur patted him sympathetically on the shoulder, with an enigmatic “Ear flaps. Best invention in the world”. 

There wasn’t time for an uncomprehending Kili to feel sorry for himself, because Ori – _sweet, gentle Ori_ – was looking at him with a sort of martyr-like torment in his eyes. “Please, Kili,” he said, his gaze quivering. “ _Please_ just keep it down. We _cannot_ sleep with you screaming like a goblin on fire. It makes Dori complain like Mother, and Nori punches holes into the walls and we’re in an inn, for Aulë’s sake. And _I_ have to bear the brunt of it all.” 

And just before Ori slunk away, looking so hurt, he shot one last barb over his shoulder at Kili. “ _And Bombur ate one roll less because of you_.” 

Kili stared after them for a very long time. Then, slowly, surely, the words of his Company sank _into_ his brain, and all the dislocated pieces of the puzzle clicked into place. 

_For the love of Aulë._

His shoulders began shaking first, then his whole body was practically convulsing as he threw his head back and laughed. And laughed. _And_ guffawed like a maniac. Oh, he loved his comrades. They just called Fili _a goblin on fire_. He’d got to tell Fili that one. And _oh_ – did they just – ? 

As he gathered the tattered bits of his composure back together, he realised just what he had to do. “If that’s not a _challenge_ , my friends, then I’ve surely never heard of one,” Kili declared fervently to the empty dining chamber. 

++++++++++ 

They resumed their journey after Thorin had taken his meal after all of them, and assessed their direction. 

Something was up. Fili knew it in his _bones_. He had carefully avoided breakfast, not wanting to see the looks on his comrades’ faces. He had been so loud the night before. It made his face burn, recalling the noises he made, and there was no doubt at all everyone in the inn would have heard him. Naturally, it hadn’t stopped Kili, who wouldn’t miss breakfast if his house was on fire. And of course, Kili wasn’t the one who – 

Fili stopped his train of thought right there, feeling that horrid ache between his buttocks again. It never worked, no matter how many times he told Kili to slow down and to be less rough, because Kili took a certain perverse pleasure in watching him trying his darndest to keep his gait measured and normal even as his arse felt like it’d been rammed by a poker. 

Like he was doing now. 

Fili kept his temper tightly-controlled. It was not easy. Not when Kili was glancing at him, and snickering every twenty counts or so. And Fili kept on smiling, keeping his blush under control as well, as the _others_ looked at him and shook their heads every fifty counts or so. 

So by the time Thorin halted the Company for a much needed rest, Fili was wound so tight and taut he nearly jumped when Kili grasped his hand. 

“Come,” Kili murmured, lowering his head to peer into Fili’s face. “I know the day’s been long and weary.” He tugged at Fili. “We’ll rest further a-ways up ahead.” 

Fili’s gaze darted cautiously around them, taking in the thick foliage of the woods. “We cannot stray far from the group.” 

“Don’t worry, brother,” Kili smiled, brushing a thumb over the back of Fili’s hand. “I’ve worked out a system with the others. We’ll be in safe hands.” 

“A system?” Fili shook his head doubtfully, but relented and allowed himself to be towed along. “You have a _system_?” 

Kili led them to a little alcove, just within the shade and shelter of a colossal tree root. It was far enough to provide them privacy, but well within reach of the Company should danger arise. Away from prying eyes, Fili sighed in relief and let himself be drawn into Kili’s embrace. The scent and warmth of his brother comforted his fraying nerves, as did the fleeting kisses Kili was mouthing into his neck. Fili buried his face into that mane of wild, black hair, inhaling its earthy, woodsy smell of tree and leaf and soil. 

“Kili…” he breathed, nudging Kili’s face up so he could press his lips to those grinning lips. 

They traded wet, sweet kisses, as Kili backed up until he could sit upon an outcrop of rock, and he drew Fili onto his lap. Fili’s eyes snapped open as he registered that position, _and_ the hand that was groping at the front of his breeches. 

“Not here!” Fili hissed, frantic gaze tracking wildly around them. He gripped Kili’s wrist, stopping him. 

“Good a place as any. It’ll be quick.” Kili insisted, leaning up to nip at Fili’s throat. He took Fili’s free hand and ground it into his own crotch, where his cock was swelling under his breeches. “Do it to me too, Fili…” 

Fili stared helplessly down at their tented breeches. It was always like this with Kili. It seemed they would never know satiation with each other, that no pleasure was ever enough. “Aulë, you’re incorrigible, you’re terrible…” Fili swore softly, eyes fluttering close, pleasure stealing into his face and contradicting his own words. 

They undid each other’s breeches with deft, knowing fingers, and grasped each other’s shaft with the same surety of touch. By now they knew their bodies so well they could do this blind. Kili loved the relentless, hard pleasure of a fast, rough hand, finger brushing across his dripping slit to coax yet more wetness. Not Fili though, who wanted it thorough, and slower, to almost be petted on his balls, massaged along his shaft until his body writhed from the sensations.  

Gasping and panting, and biting their lips to silence their noises, the brothers pleasured each other with increasing intensity. 

++++++++++ 

With increasing anxiety, the small group of Dwarves trawled the grounds. Those hard-headed, idiotic, stupid lads. Now _where_ had they gone? 

“What did he say again?” Dwalin grated out, one hand tight on his axe. They had decided as a group not to tell Thorin yet, just muttering some excuse to their leader as they gnashed their teeth and stole away to search for his disappeared sister-sons. 

That was the thing too. Between being slain by Orcs, mauled to pieces by Wargs, and holed up in some hideout enjoying their privacy, the third option seemed the most likely. But they wouldn’t really know until they see for themselves, and by then, hopefully, it wouldn’t be the first two scenarios. 

“Kili said to go find them once I’ve reached five hundred counts and they still hadn’t returned,” Ori said plaintively. 

“And you actually counted to five hundred?” Dori grunted disbelievingly. 

“Why is the Hobbit even here?” someone was growling at the back. 

“Well, it certainly wasn’t my idea,” Bilbo actually looked ill already. “Bofur dragged me along.” 

“ _Quiet_ ,” Dwalin suddenly hissed, raising a hand. He took a few soundless steps forward, careful to avoid the snapping crack of twigs underfoot. Two of his fingers pointed forward. “There,” he muttered under his breath. 

Just up ahead, there was a little shaded alcove, somewhat obscured from the rest of the woods, but allowing just enough gap and light for them to make out the unmistakable black and golden heads of the Durin brothers. 

“Careful now,” Dwalin ordered, leading the way, as the rest followed him. 

And like that, carefully and quietly and so stealthily Bilbo would be proud, they rounded the giant root of the tree and came upon the lads. 

The scene would be forever scarred into their collective minds like a permanent carnal imprint. 

Kili sitting back on a rock – Fili, _good, responsible Fili_ , riding on his lap – their penises out of their pants and disappearing in and out of each other’s hands – Kili’s face twisting with pleasure – then to round it all off – 

Fili’s back arching like a bow as he came, a keening cry tearing from his lips, shattering the silence. 

The _whimpers and groans and moans and gasps_ of those forsaken nights. 

_For the sake of Aulë’s flaming beard and dancing ponies_. 

It wasn’t Kili. 

“Oh dear,” the Hobbit summed it up for all of them. 

And they did the only thing that made sense in this entirely illogical situation. They fled. 

++++++++++ 

Yet one more night found the entire Company in a quiet little tavern-inn in a quiet little town. The silence that hung over the table was enough to deafen. Furtive glances and accusing glares hurtled back and forth across the group as they engaged in furious mental debate. 

_You said it’s Kili! How the fuck would I know it’s not Kili? Aulë, I still can’t believe it’s Fili! Now that it’s Fili, what do we do?_

Because Fili was his usual reserved, gentle self as he stared around his comrades with a distressed confusion in his gaze that none of them had the heart to shatter – yet. 

_We can still punish Kili for this! We should punish Kili for this. Good Aulë, just look at him._

Because now, as if to add insult to injury, that nefarious little brat was chewing on his dinner, his devilish gaze flashing at them knowingly, looking so pleased with himself, it was all they could do not to smack him with the nearest mattock. 

As if sensing their unholy plans for him, Kili just stood up abruptly and held out one hand. “Come, Fili, we’ve finished dinner.” He waited until a flummoxed Fili took his hand. “We’re retiring to our quarters now. We have, ah, things to do.” He smiled an insufferably smug smile. “Good night, my friends.” 

There was nothing they could do except watch the two brothers retire to their room, their gazes spearing into their backs. They could not call Fili out, or pummel Kili thoroughly like he so deserved, without drawing Thorin’s attention to the fact that they were aware of his sister-sons rutting like desperate animals every so often. 

So they sat like statues in their seats, glowering in futile frustration, until Thorin stood up and excused himself from the table. 

The moment their great leader was out of earshot, Dwalin looked around them with a no-less-arrogant-than-Kili’s grin. “Like I said,” he announced eloquently, before getting up and padding after Thorin to their shared quarters. 

Once again, the Company found themselves looking around at one another, their expressions even more dour now. 

It didn’t take long before Bofur jacked a cavalier thumb in the direction of Dwalin and Thorin’s room. 

“Want to take wagers on who’s the dormouse in that one?”

 

_finis_

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